Invisible
by My.Jagan.Valenwind
Summary: Logan speaks his thoughts to James, who is no longer with him.  A/N is very important inside before reading


_**Disclaimer**: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do not know the members of Big Time Rush, nor am I associated with them. I do not profit from this fanfiction. This is purely a work of fiction._

_(A/N: Oh my God, I'm back again! This time, grab the tissues, here's a different one for you guys from yours truly, and I was actually experimenting with this story myself. I think it came out pretty good for being the shortest one shot I've ever submitted to any archive online. BUT before we get to the actual story, first of all, a warning for you: This fanfic may not be suitable to read for those relapsing from an Eating Disorder. On the flip side, I hope this is an eye opener for some, possibly even help someone. I may write the prequel to this, just let me know if you're interested in the bigger back-story behind this plot, and I'll get on it as soon as I can. Meanwhile, hold onto your tissues and please, R&R!)_

"Hey sweetie. I came to visit. Everything is doing well with me, I honestly came to talk, you know.

I'm having a hard time… figuring out my words. I'm not sure what to say, so I'm just going to say whatever pops into my head.

I love you. You know that's never gonna change. At first, yeah, I was angry at you, but that's not gonna change anything. You're not coming back to me. So I stopped being angry at you.

We're still going on with music, just the three of us, you know? And Dustin. He's been a great help like always. I know I'm alone, but I'm never really… alone. Like right now. I'm not alone. I know you're always there listening to what I have to say. You were always a great friend like that. You were always my best partner.

I know you just wish I could just move on, but I really can't. This is my happy place. I'm comfortable here, so it's okay.

I'm almost choking up here, man. You're the only person that could ever do this to me, you know. You were like a brother, my friend, and my lover.

I can't stand missing you, but it's the only thing that reminds me that I'm still alive. All the fans miss you.

Great. Now I'm really crying. I can't handle this.

I don't know how long I can do this. You probably know I cry every night. You're never in bed anymore, but I always feel you.

Sometimes I think I'm going crazy, but do you really touch me anymore like you used to?

I don't know if I can even think anymore. I just want to keep lying here, picking at the grass. This hurts so much James. It hurts so badly. I miss your warm beautiful body, and that beautiful face of yours. I miss your smile.

We'll never- never hear you sing again. I can't stand it. My whole world is gone. You were never imperfect to me. Lots of fans have come out and told us their stories. There are so many people still struggling like you were. Some of them are better now, all because of us. We were – are the light at the end of the tunnel. Even before – all this… happened.

I don't know about life anymore. But I know what you'd want me to do. I still wear your purple bracelet, it reminds me of you. It still smells like you. Sometimes I smell it and just burst into tears. I got emotional onstage a few weeks ago. Everyone knows we had something together, and we had so much support. We have the greatest fans, you know?

I'd just love to lay here forever, but… here. I brought you some flowers. I'm – I'm just gonna lay them here for you. They're roses. So beautiful, just like you.

I just wish we knew you were struggling like this. We should have seen the signs and helped you sooner. I'm still so sorry I couldn't save you.

We should have known when you were losing those toned muscles and just withering to bone.

God, James, it still hurts so much. I still swear I'm not angry, but to think a perfect person like you felt so – imperfect.

You started to hide under those clothes for so long. I was the only one that started to see you change when it was getting too late. Your concave stomach, your ribcage, your protruding hip bones.

Your legs, the last time we made love? You – wrapped them around me. I didn't want to break you. I swore I was careful. I literally watched your heart flutter in your ribcage while we did it together… And you fainted.

Right before we even finished, you were so exhausted, you fainted on me. You were too sick to even dance. I have never cried so hard, James. I have – never – cried – so –hard like I am – right now.

You're always - in my heart, James. Always."

I leaned into the gravestone in front of me and placed three kisses on his name. James. David. Maslow.

I slowly stood up and started wiping the tears off my face before I crossed my arms and cracked a lighthearted smile.

"I love you baby. Don't forget me. I love you. We're gonna elevate, I promise."

I turned away and walked over to the car parked on the side of the trail. I unlocked the door and got inside of the driver's seat. I hesitantly started the car before driving out of the graveyard.

[The End]


End file.
